we can never be friends

we can never be friends if you send me a text that says: "blah blah, just sayin'."
really what you are saying is that you are a bitch and you don't want me to know.
news flash, I already knew. own it.

we can never be friends if you think I am not funny.
trust me I am and if you don't laugh at a minimum of 75% of the things I say, you don't get me.
and if you don't get me then I sure as hell don't get you. ain't nobody got time for that. kbye.

we can never be friends if you don't reply to my messages.
what this says to me is that my shit is not your shit.
especially when I don't hear from you for days, then get a text with your own shit and "just saying" at the end!

we can never be friends if you don't value my opinion.
I am rarely wrong when it comes to other people's life decisions and I give amazing advice.
don't be an askhole. that is a great word, look it up. trust me, you know two.

we can never be friends if you are an askhole.
which is a complete and total lie. seriously.
I seem to draw askholes in... I'm like an askhole magnet... eff.

we can never be friends if you are a bad friend.
I spend a lot of time trying to be the best friend possible.
if you aren't putting in the same amount of effort you can go fly a kite.

I have good friends anyway so I should probably stop focusing on bitches!